You will never feel complete until you find something that you are looking for. It is also the same with trying to get answers. You will never be at ease knowing that there are some unanswered questions. And so you try searching and searching, until such time when you are about to give up, the answer that you have been wanting to get comes in freely.
What hurts you the most? Is it knowing that are not enough to someone that is why he left you or not knowing anything at all and being left in the dark? Will you be brave to look for answers even if pain is inevitable? Or will you just come into terms that some things are not just meant to be?
What will hurt you the most? Is it doing everything for the one you love and you are left unappreciated or having done everything and still those were not enough?
What hurts the most? Is it when you realized that you are not worth the truth or when you found out that the person simply does not care to let you know the truth and you eventually find out from someone else?
What hurts you the most? Is it when you are still hanging to the remnants of memories and the hope of getting back together or when you realized that you are the only person holding on to the little thread of rekindling the relationship?
What hurts the most? Is it when you made plans and dreams together hoping one day they will all come true, then only to find out that those dreams were created just to lead you on to something else or for the other person’s selfish gains?
What hurts the most? Is it when you realized that even the closest friends you both have cannot tell you the truth that you deserve because they have pledged their loyalty to the other person or simply because they too, do not actually want to take part in the most anticipated unfolding of a breakup drama?
Sometimes, the answers that we are looking for are actually just right under our nose. Sometimes, the questions we throw are already THE answers. It hurts to know to repeatedly go through the cycle of braving the quest of answers and then giving up and continue with your life having them unanswered. I personally find people admirable when they are persistent and courageous enough to seek the answers they have been longing to get. No matter what the consequences are, or no matter how painful it will get. After all, truth is a bitter pill to swallow.
How do you deal with the answers when you get them? Do you gratefully accept them and go on with your life? Do you prod further to justify the could haves, would haves, should haves and what ifs?
For awhile, I have been seeking for answers to a relationship that has gone wrong. I was too obsessed in getting answers why it did not work the way I wanted it to be. I have asked friends of friends, throwing the same questions over and over. I poured over stale messages, memories and events that led to the ending of such relationship. For a while, I blamed myself, thinking that all has been my fault. I had battles with self doubt and endless maybes that tormented me for sometime. Until such moment where I stumbled with the truth. It hurts, specially when you find it so late. It hurts, when you felt like you do not deserve an ounce of explanation. It hurts when your friends cannot tell you what they found out because they felt the issue too delicate, too personal and sensitive to delve their hands in. It hurts when all the while, you thought everything was for real, only to realize that you were actually led on for some selfish purpose. But at the end of all these betrayal, I finally found the answers to all the nagging thoughts in my head. I have finally found the ultimate reason to let go, move on and never look back.
What are you afraid to find out? And will you be brave to search for answers, no matter how long will it take you to get them?