I hate waiting. I have this impatience for almost everything that requires queuing or simply waiting. I hate waiting for things to fall into the right places. I hate waiting for answers to my questions, and I even hated waiting for my prayers to happen. I hate waiting for future career plans to materialize. There is always the agony of hanging on a loose thread of going along your daily activities while mentally battling the antsy feeling of my desired future plan to happen. I hate the agony of going through my daily life as I painfully wait for my heart to heal from being broken.
But, truth is, time will and can never be dictated. One can never say “hurry up” and be there in a snap of the finger. There is always a transition in between to reach the present.
Waiting, if you are not enjoying what is currently happening in your life right now is a torture.
How do you describe the feeling when you are waiting for your heart to heal after it was being broken? I wonder if it applies to everyone – that mad need to cry yourself to sleep and then wake up feeling better the next day. And then go through the same cycle over and over again until you wake up one day tired from all the emotional drama and decided to move on with what’s left behind of your life. But, getting over it requires days after days of waiting for the pain to end, as you really try your damn best to go on with the activities of your daily living. Then, one day, the pain is no longer there and you feel better.
How do you describe that feeling in the pit of your stomach while you wait for a confirmation of pregnancy, or your partner cheating on you? How do you deal with the nervousness, and the gripping fear while waiting for the inevitable to happen, regardless if it is what you want or you don’t want to happen?
How does it feel to wait for a confirmatory reply from the job interview you did, whether you badly wanted the job or you just need the feel for a change? Does it make you impatient? Do you ever wonder if the HR responsible for it is actually doing their job and why is it taking them so long to send you that congratulatory email, contract or deployment details?
How does it feel to have a misunderstanding with someone you deeply love and that person refuses to talk to you, and has burned every possible bridge for reconciliation? Does it make your heart felt like it is being tightly gripped as you wait in agony for a single reply? Does it makes you shed tears and makes you think of every different scenario while you wait for a miracle to happen?
How about waiting for a loved one to wake up from a coma? How does it feel to continuously looking after a loved one whom you do not even know if he will wake up or not?
What about waiting for that cancer illness to go into remission as you painfully go through every bitter taste of chemotherapy?
Truth is, there is always something to learn behind the fact of waiting.
As you wait for your heart to heal, you have discovered certain facets of your life as a person in pain, the person in the relationship and the person after you have moved on. And you will concur that you are a strong person, and the love affair that has ended did not kill you a tad bit.
While waiting for that job contract, you are given the chance to actually rethink if you really wanted the job. It will make you reflect if you are courageous enough for a change of environment and career, and if you can adapt to changes, peers and work demands.
Having someone to disagree with and while waiting for the chance to reconcile – no matter how slim that chance for reconciliation is, it will give you the time to reflect your misgivings and the situation in general.
While waiting for your loved one to wake up from being comatose, the time you wait will give you the ability to ruminate your relationship with that person, the fights you have had, the great love you have shared, the importance of that person in your life and all the good and the bad things about that person. It will also give you the opportunity to obtain ways on how to make your relationship with that person even more beautiful.
While you wait to get better from cancer, you are given the chance to contemplate your health choices and habits, and it will give you the chance to map out your way to being healthy. I believe it will give you the perfect opportunity to re examine your life and makes you feel grateful the moment the doctor will tell you that you are cancer free.
I hate waiting, yes. But, if I get my answers now, or when I get the things I wanted at this every moment, will I be happy? I do not know. I might regret getting things in an instant, or making a decision on an impulse. Ahhh. The problem of being human. ❤